We all have those people in our lives who call us, or ask to see us with the most curious and urgent timing that leads us to wonder, “What is so important that they need to see me right now?”. You know, that breathy phone call filled with urgency, “Hey, are you available to talk or hang out?”. It is so sudden and out of the blue that it often catches us off guard, especially if we just spent a considerable amount of time with the person in recent days or weeks. Where was this urgent situation just a few days ago?
If the communication you are receiving from a friend, colleague, family member, or any other person seems oddly urgent at the strangest times, it is time to face the fact you are being used as a distraction. Just as you thought, after your friend downs a whole drink or two, there is an urgency going on in their life that they “just needed a break from”, and they thought the most perfect person to call was you.
Think about your interactions, do you ever hold this person accountable for their life, or do you simply say, “There, there, it will all turn out fine, just have faith!”. Beyond being a shoulder to lean on in the rough times in life, do you ever hear from the person any other time? Do you feel that maybe you should change your phone number to emergency services?
It is time for a serious conversation if you feel like I am reading your mail. Where exactly is this relationship headed, and better yet, is this an actual relationship or dependency? So, how do you avoid becoming a distraction in someone’s life? Hold them accountable. Ask probing questions that uncover what their role is in the emergency avoidance session they are engaging in with you. The moment you start asking questions and requiring in-depth answers you will be amazed how quickly people figure out they had an appointment or something else to do that they have forgotten about.
You deserve so much more out of a relationship, avoid being the “distraction”.
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