Did you know that holding unforgiveness in your heart will create a cycle in which the “same” person, or people, will continue showing up in your life as a different person? What do I mean by that? They have the same type of energy and behaviors that remind you of the very person that you are trying to forget. Have you ever had an experience in which you are in relationships with different people, but it feels like you are still engaging with the same people from your past? They may even say the same things, word for word, that the person you have not forgiven would say.
I believe this is the Creator creating opportunities for us to forgive, and release ourselves from the situation and the same dead energy, that continues to manifest in our lives. For me, it was people with narcissistic qualities due to unresolved childhood trauma which I had not completely forgiven. It was not until this year that I finally realized what was happening, and I set out to change it.
No matter what spiritual beliefs you have, this concept of karma, seedtime and harvest, reincarnation, you get back what you put out, and more, point back to this very fact. The negative energy created by unforgiveness must be resolved in your lifetime, or you will always be haunted by the situation, and people you refuse to forgive. You will literally continue to suffer until you let it go.
For me, I partially did the work, I forgave up to a certain point and then I was stuck. I needed to get to the point of being able to see narcissistic people as equal human beings who are deserving of grace, happiness, and the best things in life vs “getting what they deserved”. I am literally in classes and family therapy to learn about personality disorders so I can become more compassionate from an educated place, and understand how people with these disorders feel.
I had to imagine my life without the measure of grace that I was withholding from them. I had to imagine my life without the understanding I was unwilling to give them. My life without that grace and understanding would not be great in any period.
I realized that until I was able to forgive myself for seeing them as less than human and worthy and forgive them for their behavior, I was going to keep running into the same scenario in my life over and over again. Toward the end of 2018, I finally was tired of the same cycle. I had to release myself from being the eternal victim.
As long as I carried that victim energy, and I continued to have a story to tell in which I was the victim, I was manifesting myself as a victim, therefore, creating the circumstances in which I would draw all the right people to me that would ensure I would continue to re-live that experience. Not only that, I would draw others with the victim mentality who would make it easy to complain and continue to generate victim energy.
Within releasing myself from being a victim and forgiving myself for playing that role, I also had to create boundaries and stick to them no matter what. One of my biggest challenges has been holding firm on not allowing myself to be in relationships that feel and are unhealthy. I have great relationships in my life like my marriage and friendships, and then I also had questionable relationships that were so far removed from my friendships and marriage that my husband and my best friend called them into question.
In 2019, they were unrelenting in their loving critiques of me, using gentle words, but laying out the stark reality of what they really saw happening in my life as I continued to work through my healing and growth. I reluctantly erected boundaries and retreated from public life to do some much-needed inner work. It was one of the best decisions I could have ever made for myself. This inner work has led to me feeling freedom and healing like I never have in my life.
I dedicated myself to prayer, meditation, quiet, still moments alone with my thoughts so that I could dig deep, and bring everything to the surface that needed to be dealt with. While this work has not been easy, it was necessary for me to continue to move forward in a powerful way. I continue to do this work today and I revel in how healing has changed my entire outlook on the world and my place in it.
At the end of the day, we are all more connected than we are willing to admit, and if we can become this connected in negative circumstances, imagine how much more connected we would be in positive circumstances. When you do your healing and forgiving work it breaks the energetic bond with those who have wronged you. They no longer have a foothold in your life because you are no longer giving them anything else to respond to but a welcome sign that is fortified by healthy boundaries.
This gives them two choices, either avoid you, or deal with the problem at hand, and return the same loving energy you are putting out.
I have opened my spirit and energy to apologies and restored relationships as well as healthy relationships because I have erected boundaries and I am generating the energy that I want to receive. If we are not an energetic match it is not a big deal for me, I move on and continue living, and so does the other person. It doesn’t mean that we have to be enemies or harbor any ill will, being kind does not mean you are best friends, it means you have respect for yourself and others.
There was a time in my life I would try to make relationships work with everybody that came my way. Oh, you want to be friends? Yes, let’s be friends! I am so thankful and grateful for the growth I have experienced since that time. I have come so far on this journey and I hope that sharing my journey will shine a light on the right path for yours!
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